Beware of the Confidentiality Trap
Dr. Marc Graham
At first glance, it would seem to many counselors that honoring the request of a counselee for absolute confidentiality in the counseling room is automatic. After all, confidentiality is the glue that holds counseling relationships together. Or is it?
No one would argue that counselors need to be very careful in handling the information received from a counselee. However, many a naïve counselor has thoughtlessly granted a client´s request for absolute confidentiality and then found themselves backed into one of the corners illustrated by the following examples.
What if the counselee divulges to you that they are guilty of a criminal act? What if he or she confesses to sexual abuse of a child? What if they disclose that they intend to do physical harm to someone? How about a teenager who describes a plan to commit suicide? Consider the church leader who confesses to an adulterous affair, a pregnant teenager planning an abortion, the sexually promiscuous client who has just tested H.I.V. positive?
Here is the trap. Promises of absolute confidentiality may unwittingly place the counselor into an unbiblical alliance with the counselee in the cover-up of sin. Further, revealing information gleaned in data gathering to appropriate parties may actually be commanded by the Scriptures in certain instances. With these things in mind, let us think through this matter of confidentiality.
A counselee who seeks absolute confidentiality may be attempting to cover-up his sin and/or escape its consequences. Proverbs 29:13 clearly declares that such a one shall not prosper. Often, God´s process of correction requires that a sin be brought out into the open (II Sam. 12:11-12). Church discipline would be a further example of this (Matt. 18:15-18).
Effective biblical counseling has a view of using the Word, in cooperation with the Holy Spirit, to bring the counselee the repentance of sin. One of the marks of true repentance is a desire to do whatever it takes for God to be glorified and the matter to be settled (II Cor. 7:11). A desire to cover up sin through absolute confidentiality is an indication that the counselee is not truly repentant.
How, then, should a biblical counselor approach the matter of confidentiality? I suggest the following statement to the counselee: “I am a biblical counselor. This means that I believe that obedience to the Bible, no matter how difficult it may seem, is always for God´s glory and your ultimate good. Therefore, I pledge to you that I will never use unbiblically any information you give me. Biblical use of anything you tell me will always bring about your ultimate best interest.” If the counselee won´t accept such a statement, after clear explanation and understanding of your reasons is apparent, it is likely an indication of an unrepentant heart.
No biblical counselor would argue that counseling information should be a topic of discussion at the dinner table or that counselees should become sermon illustrations. The biblical counseling room, however, is not a confessional. We are not called to be Rogerian listeners where people may come to sinfully ventilate about their problems or gossip about others. Biblical counselors are activists, seeking to challenge the counselee to put off sin and put on godliness. A part of this process will inevitably involve encouraging the counselee to reveal information that God wants revealed!
Get into the business of giving guarantees of unconditional confidentiality and you will soon find yourself in an unholy alliance with an unrepentant sinner against God and His Word.